


A Little While More

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Christmas Angst, Letters to Santa, M/M, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Is it too bad that all I want for Christmas is you?"
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 29
Collections: monthlysekai's Wrapped with Care





	A Little While More

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 'Wrapped with Care for monthlysekai's Challenge #2'

***

Sehun touches the water with his fingertips to check if it’s warm enough. He sees his image getting blurred as the moisture settles on the mirror. He closes his eyes and begins to shampoo his hair.

“You're so beautiful."

His skin tickles by the breath on his neck when a smooth, warm voice comes from behind.

Sehun cranes his neck to the side as pairs of arms engulfs him and pulls him closer. Warm drops along with wet kisses dripping down his neck to his shoulder. Sehun sighs in pleasure.

“Jongin.”

“Yes, baby?” Jongin kisses his shoulder.

“If you start this, we’re going to get late," Sehun says but doesn't try to stop his husband's advances.

“Just a little while more," Jongin whispers into his ears as he presses his body to Sehun's. Their bodies connected so close - the closest two people can get. It's addictive.

It feels so good that Sehun hopes they could stay like this forever.

“We told them we’ll be there by noon." Sehun tries to reason, but his body does nothing to oppose any of his husband's touch. He finds himself leaning back, throwing his head on Jongin's shoulder as he continues to touch him in ways no one else has before - and no one else will.

“Look at you,” Jongin says, “we haven’t adopted a child yet and you’re already neglecting me.”

Sehun sighs. The warmth of the air and Jongin's body making it impossible to think. “P-please.”

“Please touch me.”

The shower-water turns cold and Sehun backs out hissing. In contrast to the chilled water, hot drops start to flow down his cheeks and something burns inside his chest that no amount of cold water can smother.

He turns the tap off and the fog starts to disappear. He stares back at the man whose eyes look soulless with a crooked nose and a faded scar on his forehead. He reminds himself to remove the mirror when he comes back home later.

A deep, vibrant laugh fills his thoughts.

“I’m so happy today,” he hears Jongin say as he drives. Sehun smiles seeing his husband happy.

Jongin takes Sehun's hand in his and kisses it. "I love you so much, Sehun."

Sehun gently takes his hand back. "Focus on the road, babe."

And then it happens fast—loud honks, fast turns—and then, the time almost stops. Almost. Everything goes by in a blur— eventually making a path for the darkness to consume.

Sehun opens his eyes, his hand gripping tightly on the edges of the sink. He turns the tap on and closes the plug of the drainer. He lets the water fill in and dips his head in the water. He wishes he could drown in it.

And how he wishes if only he could keep his eyes closed forever. It's a fascinating thought.

He gets out of the bathroom, dresses up, and picks up the envelope from his coffee table.

He takes on his coat and locks the door behind him. Gripping the envelope, he waits for the lift to arrive. The elevator ding, pulling him back from his thoughts, indicating the lift has stopped on his floor. The door opens up and there comes out his neighbor, Ms. Park, along with her daughter.

“Hello, Uncle Sehun!” the little girl chirps. Her mother gives Sehun a warm smile. “Merry Christmas, Sehun.” Sehun mirrors their expression. “Hello, Jiya,” he says, slightly bending down to reach her level, “Merry Christmas to both of you.”

Jiya puts his hand inside her bag, her eyebrows knit together in concentration as she tries to find something inside. Her eyes light up and she pulls out a transparently packed bunch of candies. “Do you want gummy bears?”

Sehun looks at it for a moment and soon, his eyes turn glassy. He feels his breath cough in his throat. _Jongin used to love them._ He’d always make sure there’s a bottle of gummy bears at home all the time.

He _loved_ them.

Sehun gives them a quick smile and shakes his head. He looks at Ms. Park apologetically, “I’ll leave first. Have a great evening.”

He presses the button again, and the door of the lift opens up. He gets inside and waves back at Jiya. The door closes and Sehun feels emptiness surround him. He looks at the envelope and puts it in his pocket. He leans against the back of the lift, feeling too tired to even stand.

It's late in the evening and the whole street is decorated with lights. He walks through the street, passing people.

It shouldn't be this hard.

After two years, it was supposed to get easy, supposed to hurt less, but it doesn't. The scar is still here, and so is the pain.

And he doesn’t know if it’ll ever leave him.

He stops at the City Square, in front of the Christmas tree size of a giant. The notes hung by the thread on the branches of it —people leaving messages, hoping Santa would read them and make them come true.

He takes out the envelope from his pocket, opens it, and takes the pastel blue note out— a string already attached to it at its side. He gently ties it on the highest branch his hands could reach and looks at it while it dangles in the air as the chilly wind blows by.

Sehun looks up at the dark, clouded sky and smiles weakly.

"Merry Christmas, Jongin", he whispers to himself, "I'll meet you on the other side soon."

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Dear Jongin,_

_If only I could hold you for a little while more, I would._

_If only I could kiss you for a little while more, I would._

_If only we had stayed tangled with each other on that day, forgetting all the world beyond our little room, I’d still have you. We’d still be together and everything would be okay._

_We'd be happy._

_But, without you, nothing makes sense —nothing ever did._

_So, tell me, Jongin. Is it too bad that all I want for Christmas is you, just so we could be together?_

_Even if it’s for a little while more?_

  
  
  


_Yours forever,_

_Sehun_

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> “this loss  
> feels like  
> an ache  
> between my ribs
> 
> it’s sad  
> and scary
> 
> but soft  
> and steady
> 
> it’s always there  
> humming loudly  
> beneath it all
> 
> beneath it all
> 
> sometimes  
> it rests  
> and  
> just whispers
> 
> ssshhhhhhhh
> 
> it only takes  
> one  
> moment  
> of missing you  
> to make it roar”
> 
> ― Emmy Marucci


End file.
